`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
well.. what should the feeling be? haha.. i recieved a call, saying : " we will be celebrating your birthday on tuesday." is this consider a surprise? i dun think it's at all. not a bit. it wasnt at all surprising and it make me feel so not looking forward to my birthday anymore. well, this is really the first and only time i feel i'm just so err, not looking forward. first time and well, i dun blame anyone. thanks for the thoughts anyway. is it surprising that, i actually rejected the celebration. oh.. kind of to last time my class ppl. wad a birthday surprise.
what do i mind now? no surprise? no presents? no, i also dunno. but i just know this isnt the feeling i want. this isnt a looking forward thing anymore. imagine, your close friend told you they will be back to school on tuesday just to celebrate your birthday. and isnt it abit stupid to be sitting in the HODs room on tuesday and waiting for oyur friend to come. perhaps, i mind. i mind the surprise. maybe you ppl are cursing and swearing that they wanto celebrate your birthday but you are so choosy now. well, be it. you can call me for wadever fucking reason you ahve now in your mind but now, all i can say is yes, i mind. i mind you ppl telling me that you all are coming down on tuesday. i mind you all sound like so unwilling. i mind. i really mind.
hmm, imagine again.. your close friend told you: " ohh, they are busy, so they ask me to plan." yup, it's so great. i do appreciate you being the organiser. but it's just like indirectly telling me tht my friend are force to come? my friends are celebrating for the sake of celebrating? how am i suppose to feel? this is my birthday, i dun wan you all to just celebrate cos i'm counting down. i'm really looking forward to my 17th birthday. but thanks, it gone again. why cant you all dun tell me you all are coming down on tuesday? why cant you all get someone in school to stop me from leaving on tuesday? i dunno. dun release the thing to me. i feel just so pathetic now.
you all never know how hurting it is. yah, i do really wanto spent my birthday with all of you. but then, dun do for the sake of doing. cos wednesday you all are busy? i dun blame you all, but how come it sound like, there are more important things on wednesday tht you all just couldnt celebrate for me? why is it like my birthday is so little to you ppl. seriously, now i rather you all dun celebrate. it might make me feel better. it might be at least, i got the pride to say NO to this celebration. it might be something never happen in my whole 17 life. but seriously, i dun like the felling abit. i just dun like. do you all know abt it? you all never know.
guess how much i want a reunite dinner with the 4E3. guess how much i miss you all? i miss every single one of you ppl. guess how much i'm so looking forward to the upcoming funfair? i'm damn looking forward. so looking forward. cos i know, it gonna be a day, 4E3 reunite again. i really miss those days. everyday is so surprising and happy. not now anymore. you all have been a factor i have been moving on. but now, is it really important?
somehow i can imagine the scene that you ppl just walk into the school, with a birthday cake and wish me happy birthday, sing song.. cut cake. if i dunno, perhaps i will be shocked and i will be so happy at least you ppl care. but then, after i know tht you all are coming down on tue, i isnt looking forward. wad you all expect me to react when i saw you all.. : oh, ok? like tht? is it like tht? at least kailing's birthday there is surprise, there is willingness. i just dunno how come it turn out like tht? i dun blame anyone. but now, thanks for wanting to celebrate with me but seriously i find there no more meaning. thankyou. i appreciate it.
somehow, i hate the feeling. i hate to feel i'm so pathetic. i hate the feeling tht my birthday is just so little to everyone. i just dun like. i'm sorry if you feel offended or what. but then, imagine you ppl are me now. how is the feeling suppose to be. sigh. sisters? is there stil lthe meaning behind it? thanks for whoever is planning and thanks to all who say they are busy and pushing the planning around. i just realise, actually i meant nothing to you ppl. lol. i shouldnt say such thing rite? but tht now i'm feeling now. nvm ba. retribution. i just dunno hwo to make the feeling stop. thanks for making me feel not looking forward. but seriously, i appreciate the tots. at least, you all tot of celebrating. dun need le. tkc. stay in touch.
