`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
well.. i'm back from school. not schooling but working. getting more and more tired everyday just to wake up and go work to school. i'm just sucks. i'm really a sucker. i'm currently hurt by my uncle. really not feeling nice or shld i say i just hate it. he's really fierce to me, i was just like asking where he is going and he scream. alright, just becuase you are bad mood? i simply can say, thanks for hurting me again. i'm feeling so great just at this point of time. thanks.
i been used? he's insensitive to my needs? alright, i have been helping out for 1 month just in 2 days time. i isnt looking forward anymore. really. not at all. not at a bit. it just sucks like crazy. it just make me feel so shitty now. i feel like i'm a piece of shit to you. yup, like what mr * have just told me : " everyone thought there is this free lunch on world now, cos you are like helping everyone." thanks mr * you make it sound like it's so helpful of me yet you are trying to bring out the stupidness that i'm working for free. i used to think i work for the passion, but am i right now? i dun need those annoucement to tell the whole world, i'm back to help out. i dun need teachers to annouce to one another tht i'm free. i dun need all this. i just need you, yes you! your appreciation. what make me stay in school is that, i still get to accompany you at the same time, lessen mr chui, mr soo burden. i just want to be someone who is important to oyu, mr steven koh. yes, mr koh. did you get it rite this time? i doubt so, i just feel like i'm so taken for granted. i just feel that you dun wan me to be part of your life anymore. tht's how i feel. that's how ppl feel. i'm hurt. i really am. mr koh, can you just stop all those stupid bad mood of you? can you just stop scolding me. can you jsut stop all those fucking lameshit stuff. i have enough. really, you talk to me for the sake of talking. what the fucking damn am i to you. yup, tanpeiching, you are simply nothing. not even the snoopy toy on his table. yes, you are not.
i try to clam myself down at this very moment. i try to think of everything you once gave me but i couldnt. i try to tell myself, you are just stressed up, but why? you dun talk to me. i saw your smile only to someone outside. what the hell am i to you? my birthday is coming, 2 more days. but wad the big deal. i shouldnt think of much from you. yes, there just this huge boundaries between up. a really big and endless one. i couldnt see you from the other part. i couldnt find the one i really treasure now. i'm lost, lost in this big big island of ours, which once full of fun and laughter. but you should know, i already try my best to let go, i cant i really cant. having the thought of leaving you alone in school without anyone to be by you, is just like leavng you i nthe old folk home. i cant. that's also the reason why i'm staying behind without much complain except that, you dun treat me like tht. teachers have been asking me to ask for pay, cos they see thtat i'm really pathertic to work w/o money. thanks everyone. i have been running away from reality. i have been.. i have been doing so much, buried myself in all the stuff. jsut to tell myself, yes, you are doing something. just to get away the sadness that adam is leaving me. yes, i'm just cheating myself. really cheating myself. i couldnt do this naymore. how much longer can i endure. 5 days? or really after fun fiesta. tanpeiching, i despise you. you are just so sucks. yes, i'm.. i dun deny.
you are the fucking one who say wanted the break up, and yet people are enjoying himself out there, you are the stupid girl who are crying now. for fuck? i always thought, no matter how lonely or how heart broken i gonna be, there is still mr koh, the big big tree to shelter me when it rain, cover me from all the storm and sunshine. but i tend to forget that, lightning strikes to the tree truck and i found myself alive but the tree is gone. really gone. this tree wun be forever there for me. this tree will never provide me with all the laughter i once have. i have nothing anymore. just admit this fucking fact that, yes, you are just a stupid free labour. somehow, i'm being used. thankyou.
brithday in 2 days time. looking forward ms princess, no.. i'm no longer looking forward. if i can choose, i rather i didnt know you before. if i got this ability to turn back the time, i will leave you right now. i rather be someone ignorant and got nothign to do with you, yes.. nothing to do with mr steven koh. he hurt me by his fucking damn it sentence:" dun ask, i say dun ask." well, can i let you know mr koh, i'm hurt. dad, i'm hurt. godpa, i'm heart broken. can i tell you tht? i cant deny i'm jumping with joy when you are talking to me. at least you care. i cant deny i'm angry when you called me just now. i hate you. i cant deny, you are just so important to me. so does that mean tht i treasure you i cherish you, i can be treated like this? for fuck? tell me. just tell me, i'm just someone which enter your life by chance and should be the one treated like tht or i'm someone who meant to you. what if i die one day? will you cry for me? i doubt so. yes, mr koh, i feel so god damn hurt now. i got nothing to say anymore. if tml, you choose to be bad mood, i cant be bother. i really cant. i have enough. i want the speech day godpa. i want tht uncle who love me so much. i want tht uncle who will joke with me. he's gone. gone forever? if you are really gone forever, i find no point staying in GR. seriously, i jsut wanto be someone, which have a place to oyu. well, i guess i never was. thanks.
can you believe i actually rush down to school jsut to see if you are alright? can you believe that i receieve zhong ping smses saying tht something might happen to you, i rush down? can you believe it or not? i dun wan thankyou, i dun need it. i just want something by action. i need it badly. i want it , i ask for it. can you give it to me? no, you never will. i sitll have this mindset, if right now, me and shao mei were to be drown in the sea, you will still choose to save her. i know this very fact. i'm simply someone nothing you. sigh. i'm so hurt now. i cant breathe. i'm jsut a naive girl. sigh.
sorry. all you did were sorry and thankyou. did you ever remember that, you told me : " for you, i'm willing to do anything?" do you remeber it anot. did you ever recall that you say you wil lshow me how much you appreciate me by action. did you ever get it right? sigh. i shouldnt have trust you. i shouldnt have. for all the fucking reasons we once know and remeber , we got nothing. there's nothing left between us except this really this gap. godpa, you choose to keep me by your side or not, if now tht's how you treat me, i can endure with it. but i dunno hwo long it will alst, i might leave you one day. i might pretend not to know you one day. i never though of such day. but if that's wad you want, i believe it will come. dun make me hold on to my feelign so too long. i nearly breakdown today. i wanted to cry so loud just now. i wan and i nearly did it.
yes, tanpeiching. you are strong. *fuck off* it just all the lies you pacify me with. well, enough. i just have enough. tata, sucker.. you rawks my life. =) sigh.
