`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
today i went out with the girls. =) trish,xm,sy. wonderful. i'm enjoying myself so much. (-= finally, i'm enjoying lah. it have been so many days since i have been like buried in work and stuff. but it's alright for me now. i'm loving it. well, not loving it for going to school but somehow, i decided i must get a camera. heh heh.. lameshit girl. stop it. wahahas.. i miss donuts factory's donut. just the double chocolate when it's hot. hehs!
i was like damn high for today. it's kind of rare, i have such good stamina for nowadays. i really love my sisters to bit except for those who are fucking irritating. =D (ps:/ you know who you are =P) sigh.. school for tml. i have to updates the dumb data, i have to key out the stupid thankyou letters, i have to called up the sponsership and wrap up the present for mr chui. i isnt looking forward to any of this. except telling mr seah, the new found out abt wad i have discover. am i the sucker now? somehow, yes i am. but then, i really dun feel like going. YES! tanpeiching dun feel like going to tht place anymore. i have to tolerate people who claim to tolerate me. F* sigh. peiching, pls go school tml ok? you must help mr soo and mr chui. yes, mr soo and mr chui. everyone just treat me like a fucking free labour and refuse to give me an account and password. everyday, i have to fancy asking ppl to log in and when i get those others, they say i wasnt doing their work for them using their account. ohwell, tht how realistic ppl are to me. cos why? becos, you are fucking bias to mr koh. yes, you only help him. F* when did i only help him? i feel like slapping those ppl hard on their face. calling me free labour and asking me to do so much things which i dun complain and yet claiming tht i'm helping my uncle. yes, sucks! the feeling just sucks totally. I WARN YOU ALL, STOP CALLING ME A FREE LABOUR AND YES, I AM SUPER OFFENDED. IF THIS WERE THE CASE, I WILL REALLY LEAVE. hey, i just feel so sucky right now and be frank with you, i'm a emotinal outburst girl.. dun try this on me anymore, it sucks totally. yes. but who knows? no one.
you think i dun wan to go out and find a job? you think i'm enjoying it like GR is my second home? i can choose to walk out of the school. but to be honest, i stay cos i promise mr koh. i stay cos i want a stall for my 4E3, i stay cos i want to help in the events planning. but then, seem like i am ask to be back just to help to update tht board of the school and yes, i have enough. this is the time when i really hate it. i cant control my head, i dislike every second in school. yes, get this fucking news into your head, i hate it. i do for ppl who matter to me. like mr koh, mr chui and mr soo. i do for ppl who make a different in my life which is my 4E3'06. i though when i'm back, mr koh will protect me, i thought i thought.. stop dreaming, he dun even give a fucking damn abt you. i really hate to step into GR but i still drag my feets there. i hate to see adam smiling at me, but i still put on the courage to move on. i still carry on walking to school thinking that, yes, i'm great at doing such things for ppl. i thought i'm brave but i found out i wasnt. i realised, all i did was decieving myself that " tanpeiching, mr koh will smile when he see you" but then, i really dunno is this still the fact anymore. i realised, i'm just cheating myself. i'm a big fool. sigh. it sucks totally to see someone who matter to you dun find you worthwhlie all along. i'm loss. i feel like writting letter to ms tan. somehow, she is someone i can believe and trust. i dunno why, i feel like crying out loud now. does anyone know how much courage it required just to walk into the school compound, scared of seeing adam for every moments when i stepped out of the HOD room. you know how afriad i'm now? but who can i tell.
i'm very scare, very scare that one day my uncle will me, you can leave. i dun want to admit and i hate to admit i seem so small to him. why i just seem like nothing to you. perhaps, all along i'm the one thinking i'm important. i always believe that mr koh told ms tan:" when i see her i will smile." tht's wad make me move on even when he seem to be down. do you know that actually i hate to disturb you. i just want you to know that, no matter wad happen, there is still someone in your life. but then, seem like all this things i have done is not important and regard as disturb all this whlie. i have to move on somehow. i need those money to school but i choose to help you first instead of thinking abt anything at this point of time. i know you are stress, i know i seem like nothing but then, why? why peiching, why are you making your life difficult for yourself? i hate you. i hate ppl to say tht leave once i got the nano. i dun like it.
everyday, i have to fear things happening at any moments. i dunno how much courage i will have after today. i dunno if i still can make myself walk to the canteen or not. i really dunno and i cant find any more motivation to school. i cant. you make me love GR and you make me detest it. i seem ugly sides of everyone yet, i'm trying to tell myself, you are perfect. i couldnt believe that and always want to ask you, did you really choose to abandon everything and leave it to lee sc. i wanted to ask, but i worry it hurt you. i dunno what you are thinking. and thanks, you make me felt like i'm nothing somedays and you gave me hopes on other days. just wad am i going to do to adapt to your life style. i dunno. i can only tell myself, you are still important to me and i will do anything as long as you ask me to. i know i'm stupid. i know i am. it sucks.
mr koh, it sucks totally now. i have no more strength to go to school. i dun have anymore.
