♥obviously, i dun belong there. ):
MY LOVEDDDDD!~ <3well, today is tuesday. supoosingly, tuesday is great but then, somehow.. it doesnt seem to be. got abit moody after grammar today. just dunno how come it's me. sigh. i really dunno. wanted to explain but then, i'm really afriad, they wun want to listen. ohwell. i dunno. it simply sucks to hell. wondering if everyone hates you. sigh. i dunno too.got a little emo' after awhlie. didnt really talk while lunching with yvoone and yen ping. ): kind of thinking , i have been enjoying my life too much in greenridge. the place where everyone have to give in to me. every morning, there just someone helping me to carry my bag. ppl help me to bring storybook for slient reading. ppl waiting for me when i go to toilet. ppl help me carry my books. well, it's them, who make me love to go school so much. somehow, it seem like i lost everything. yeap, you cant believe how much i endure to accept the changes.i miss taking lrt to bangkit and meeting xm at keat hong and sy at phoenix. i miss walking with the whole group of them on the longggg wayyy to school. the long long path. seem so near, yet so far. =) i miss sitting at the kerb near haven and waiting for the music to play. i miss sitting behind rachael and looking up at mdm ho, marking my attendance. i miss wearing the ugly, yet heart warming yellow blouse and brown skirt. i miss wearing the super nice shoe with ankle socks. i miss sitting at the second floor corridor, disturbing all my friends. i miss hiding in the toilet during lessons with them. i miss giving the super black face, when i'm just feeling down. i miss those days. yes, especially jurrel and ppl. who i always bully and tend to bully me back. i miss it so much. things was much easier to handle last time and somehow, i miss being saiful's girl. i miss attending amath/emath in the AVA. i miss mr koh's screaming and yelling. yes, i miss it. from nicholas to yong wei, i miss all of them. i never felt lonely or so, everyday, it's just superb nice to be with them. yes, greenridge, all my memories are there. today in class, i was keeping very quiet. perhaps, i know they are unhappy abt me. or maybe they misunderstood me. yea, like yvonne say.. i wasnt close to them, so they might have another thinking. ohwell. it's my fault. i know. if today was in greenridge, and the same thing happen, i believe i wun be sad, i will be super arrogant and screaming back. well, but now, i'm in shatec instead of GR. i really want to tell them, ' i'm sorry.' but well, eventually, i didnt. i feel so super sad can when i saw their reaction and the feeling went weird. i admit, i wasnt at all understanding, i wasnt at all nice to my friends back in GR. i was a super arrogant and pamper girl, even godpa got to gave in sometime. i nv know how hurt it was to be treated like tht. i mean, i used to not thinking abt how other ppl feel, nv even put myself in their position to think. i felt super bad, leftout or wadever you can say today. the feeling isnt nice at all. after lunch, i nearly cry in class but i know, there will not have godpa, jurrel, si ying, xuan min, and 4E3 to ask me not to cry. so, eventually i didnt. (: thanks to yvonne and yen ping, they are trying their very best to make me feel comfortable and keep asking if i'm alright. well, somehow, it's true, i cannot live w/o my friends. keep quiet to godpa = angry. he'll try his best to tell me joke last time. in front of the calss, being a clown, he wounldnt mind. the ba gwa story he used to tell me, the superman or spiderman joke. how nice, if godpa was the tutor in shatec. i simply cant socialise with them, i simply dunno wad to talk to them. or perhaps, i being sensitive. yeap, they are a bunch of nice ppl. i will laugh when i saw them doing stupid things and it remind me of saiful and hilmi. they will sing song for me when i'll feeling down. espeically birthday song, cos they know i love spending my birthday. (: i was like so loved by them last time and now, in a new enviroment, beside yvonne and yen ping, i cant talk freely to anyone. i'm worry, they might dislike me somehow. i wanted so much to be like yvonne and yen ping, making friends with them. but, i know i will failed. to all:
' i didnt say i dun wan you ppl to join me for lunch, yes, i didnt. pls dun misunderstood me. i wanted so much to have lunch with you all, but then, i worry, you all might not like my presence. so i told yvonne and yen ping if it's alright if we 3 eat together and at tht point of time, we dunno where you ppl going. serious, i dun have the tots of -not wantinging you ppl to go with me- but somehow, i feel i'm the one following you ppl, not you all following me. so, i thought, i shouldnt tag along so often. i dunno how to explain, but if you ppl are really angry with me, i'm sorry ok. i really dun mean it. really.' well, i wanted so much to explain to them after lunch, but i dunno. i feel weird and scare too. i know most of them are unhappy abt it. i'm sorry, sigh. i dunno wad to say. keeping quiet is all i can. i dunno how to explain myself in front of them. perhaps, i wasnt used to explaining last time. no wonder, godpa warn me, saying tht shatec will be super different from GR. dun assume they are like your classmates. well, it's kinda true. i felt bad. yes, looking at the way they react, hurt somehow. ohwell, forget it. i just hope they dun take it to heart. sorry, DTM (B)'07. sorry.hmm, went back to GR. it's palce i truely belong. laughter and more laughter there. but as usual, i was gloomy. LOL. daddylee was like asking 'how is school?' i was like whining and whining. and i got scolded as usual. haha.daddy : how's school today? fun right. must be lar.
me : not fun. i dunno why, my classmates doesnt seem to like me very much.
daddy: well, it take time right.
me: no, it sucks. i dun feel good.
daddy: if you also complain, den no one can help you with your negative mindset.
me: nono, it's not complain, i'm stating the fact lor. like today... [lunch matter].
daddy: did you try to explain to them then?
me: no. i scare. they might not wanto listen to my explaination too.
daddy: this your thinking wad. it might be your fault somehow? the way you present yourself?
me: no, i didnt disturb them. i was keep quiet all along.
daddy: ohwell, you wasnt yourself in class, so how are they going to accept you then?well well well, daddy was trying to tell me that 'you are noisy' i wasnt lor. ): perhaps, last tiem yes. but now. today i speak less than 20 sentences in class. daddy scolded me for scolding 'sucks' which wasnt vulgar at all lor. =x mr seah wasnt there. if not he will help me. yea! i love superseah. lol. ms lim wasl ike saying i should enjoy there. and if i continue like tht, it wuld be very sad. so daddy simply shouted ' dun care abt her lar. always like tht.' hmm, and in the end, he say i keep whinning and whinning, it's irritating. LOL. =x daddy not going for alumni. ;( so sad. wondering if godpa and ppl are going. lalala!~ mr chui was like asking the alumni dinner lar. damn it. so paiseh can. =x i dunno how to answer. nearly been drag to meeting. siam ah. LOL. mr ong and mr hang was as usual lar bullying me. GRR~ and they commented on my uniform. like wad the hell. =( ms haryani say ' i was wondering who is this, short skirt, big blouse.' and mr goh more worst lar. ' waitress, HAHA!~' den i fold up my sleeve, guess wad, he comment :' you know like wad? like waitress wanto wash dish lor.' idiotic rite. funny teachers i have. keep asking me to retain. lalala.. idiot. LOL. luckily godpa wasnt in school. yea! =x if not, i will kena, like duh!~ obviously. haha! they scold me for not buying food. always lor. ms tan also kena suan by mr goh. lol. i love them alot. ,3 mr ong, refuse to fetch me. hahaha! idiotic rite. sasy he got gang member to fetch. wth. luckily melissa acc me home. thankyou girl. it's so sweet to talk to her. and i think she's mad over her kiwi strawberry or strawberry kiwi. LOL. huan min, orh hor.. you dislike my uncle, i dun friend you. LOl. =x well, was kinda angry with godpa for saying mr seah a fool. but i shan care anymore. 7 more weeks. yea! (: and godpa is release from agony. omg, i sound evil. LOl. i am super angry with him. i dun like him scolding mr seah. even though, he always scold mr seah cos of me. LOl. like asking mr seah not to scold vulgar, which is sucker in front of me. but who cares. seriously, he scold tht too. and F word and tmd. he scold lor. but den i dun like it when he call mr seah a fool, yes, i dun like at all! i hate it can. i think you cahnge to a different person. not the one, i used to know and love. it sucks totally. you fancy calling ppl who cares and love you a fool. wth. =_=" you sucker. i was too emo' and i send mrs chew sms like i despise him and stuff. ohwell, i guess she will nto let godpa know ba, if not.. more to come. he will randomly call me and meet me and scold me. i scare! lol. daddy ask me to call godpa in office. but i told daddy, i'm super afraid of godpa. ltr he scold say i nv study again. LOl. well, even though it's like tht, he's still my godpa. haha! <3<3wondering if i'm meeting D ltr. lalala! he got rugby. like wth. rugby everyday. school tml. just wondering, if they are still angry with me. sigh. i'm never good at my words. i think, i going to die. ' we are a class wad.' i heard tht and i got stunned. sigh. nvm lar. daddy say he got a brave and strong daughter. ohwell, to him. LOL. i miss daddy. yea! hmm, D just finish rugby. ): lol. mrs chew bluff me lar. say wanto meet me at plaza. 9pm? omg. bluffer. LOL. forget it. school tml. lalala~ if i tell godpa ' I DUN WAN TO GO SCOOL CAN?' he will give me a good scolding again. lol. or asking tricia to look after me. well, turn back the time. i wanto stay in GR forever. well, time goes on. i'm sorry DTM (B) mates. dun angry can. i also dun mean it. ): ): ): sad lor. dun angry lar. omg, i going crazy. haha!
