♥i'm no longer a happy girl.
#124 post. my blog have come this long. isnt tht surprising. (: well.. but i wasnt feeling happy today. not at all. perhaps, i was the one that couldnt get all this right along. i thought i say i will walk out from his life? i thought i will be brave? i thought all this should be over at any minute. heartache after ytd sms with him, it seem like every song i listen to is sad song. it sound like i'm the most pathetic girl in this world. it look as if i couldnt want to live any longer cos i decided to leave him. he's right. he say.. 'i thought you were the one tht choose to end all this first.' ' i thought there wasnt any chance for me.' 'i thought.. i thought...' i thought, we are suppose to last long. walking out his life. everything seem normal. i still breathe, i still eat, i still go school like as though, life would be perfectly alright without him. i still walk past his house, i still walk to lrt station alone, i still look up whenever i passby his block. i still thought he was mine.. things still be the same, nothing changes except tht my heart clearly understand tht, it's over. no more. and forcing myself to stop those agony and learn to walk out and learn to let go.ytd night, i couldnt control myself, i sms him again. telling him.. it would all be over soon and i wun interfer into his life anymore. saying the last goodbye. i really enjoy having him in my life, at the very least, he make me happy, he make me felt loved. at least. he was really the guy tht after sipeng, i really love and like, perhaps, until now. walking alone. looking around. everything seem so complicated. life isnt great. things got worst and i'm alone. well, peiching. get it over and done with it. you can. you told ppl you dun like him and it's a burden to live in relationship. live up to your words. you told ms tan tht you are brave and you look on the bright side. get it over dear. think of ppl around you. (: life might turn great.ok, well.. he replied asking e not to walk out of his life. this seem touching to me. yes, to me! and and and, i couldnt even know wad to do. i have decided. i didnt memorized his number, i have deleted his number as well as sms. tht's mean, there is no way i could contact him now. ): i will get over it, all i need now is just time. i can and i will. cos i'm godpa and daddy expensive girl. (: and ms tan told me, i'm the pillar of the class. ohwell.. be it. i find it sweeet enough to keep me holding on at least. i need hug. i need console. ):school aint great as usual. and i passed my front office. thank goodness, i passed. tourism presentation this friday. i got no mood to do anything. yea, he is the problem. i got all mixed up and moody cos of him. you are right. i trying my very best to pick myself up from where i have last fall. i cant figure out how to walk in my life anymore. well, life goes on. i wil lstill go to school as per normal.. but then, my heart is really empty. i can cry anytime. all the best to my tourism project. as usual, get it done and over with it. *pray to god* sigh. life is simply a sucker. i dun like it at all. perhaps, i just need superseah to tell me a joke. perhaps, or maybe even godpa cant help me to get myself pick up from where i fall. and and and, i doubt he care too. cos he is waaayyyy too busy to bother, i didnt make it a point to tell him too. (: i hope, he is getting wayyy fine in school. hope so. sigh. godpa once say:' if you dun wan to walk out from it, you will suffer more.' tht's right. he even became more irritated whenever i got indulge or i make a fool out of myself in realtionship. ohwell. it sucks. thankyou godpa. (: at least, yo once bother abt me last time. guide me out from where i'm lost. i need help. i miss him. yes, not godpa but hhiimm.. ):thanks everyone. jeanie, ms tan, nysa, siying, xuanmin, lin jia, shirley and ppl. thanks. i love you all. especially ms tan. owe you once,. she always know when i'm avoiding, when i'm acting strong. thankyou. perhaps, only infront of her, i can really cry. i love you ms tan. (: tht's something, i will never tell her face to face. i guess, i lost my happiness. it's gone.thanks for letting me having you once upon a time. i dun deserve you. and i really loved being your gf. yes, you. perhaps, all i left for you were footprints. but you left memories in my heart. for the last time, i love you D'. (:be brave. cos godpa and daddy and all those loved one will be by you. i need light to guide me out.
