♥what am i supposed to do?
just back from tuitioning. i'm sad to say that i lose my tantrum again. ): am i being impatient or is just that chemistry dont click? why is it so hard to drill a math question into a kid's brain? am i expecting too much or i am just being incapable. i'm not born to be a teacher and i never want to be a teacher in my life. but why go into tuitioning? others thought, tuition is an easy money but then, i rather work in other places den being a teacher. is it retribution that i make my teachers suffered as well in the past? is it the retribution that i have been accumulating over the past few years when mr seah, mr azhar and ms liew was my math teacher? i just felt like a failure. it's like i cant understand why a simple question like that and he just cant get it? i never like math til my last year when i find it super amazing. what can i do to help them? i'm really lost and i feel like i'm just teaching for the sake of teaching. i dont know. what can i do?
smsed mrs chew while i was on the way to tuition. i miss her hell lots. gonna have dinner with her on wednesday. (: and i cant wait. she say she thought i forgotten about her. an i wont. cos she is very nice to me when i was back in greenridge. (: i love her. yea!
class was hellish. things wasnt going the way i thought it suppose to be. tourism test tomorrow. memorizing of 50 states. to hell with it. how am i supposed to squeeze all those _l_ information into my brain. new mission fall and i think i wasnt a good friend after all. ): i felt super happy when i was with my clique. yes, we talk about everything. but then deep inside, i felt moodless and unhappiness. ): i dont know why. tuition the main cause? i think so too. sigh.LOOKING AT HOW MUCH OTHERS HATE YOU, MAKE ME SIT DOWN AND THINK AGAIN. WHY AM I ALWAYS THAT NICE TO YOU WHEN OTHERS HATE YOU LIKE MAD. WHY NO MATTER HOW YOU HAVE BEENTREATING ME OVER THE PAST 3 YEARS, I JUST LET IT GO? WHY OBVIOUSLY I KNOW THAT YOU CALL ME COS YOU NEED MY HELP BUT I SITLL HELP YOU WILLINGLY. IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE, LET ME TELL YOU, COS YOU HAVE HELP ME ONCE BEFORE WHEN I WAS REALLY PATHETIC. AND JUST THAT YOU CALL ME YOUR GOD-DAUGHTER, I KNOW I WILL BE FILIAL TO YOU. AM I BEING STUPID? EVERY YEAR CELEBRATING YOUR BRITHDAY? ACTUALLY, I DONT KNOW TOO. PEOPLE SAY I'M JSUT BEING SILLY, COS YOU DONT DESERVE IT. BUT I DONT KNOW WHY I KEEP DOING IT TOO. WHEN I KNOW PROM NIGHT PLANNING WILL AFFECT MY OLEVEL, I STILL HELP YOU WILLINGLY. CONVINCED EVERYONE IN MY CLASS THAT I WILL DO MY BEST. WHY WHEN I KNOW I WILL BE CALL FREE LABOUR, I STILL WENT BACK TO SCHOOL TO HELP YOU? WHY WHEN I KNOW YOU WASNT AT ALL NICE TO ME WHEN YOU ARE IN BAD MOOD, I STILL DO MY BEST TO CHEER YOU UP. HAVE YOU EVER WONDER? PEOPLE SAY COS I LOVE YOU. YA, AS A DAD, I APPRECIATE YOU THAT YOU ARE ONCE UPON A TIME THERE FOR ME. WHY WHEN I HEARD YOU ARE NOT FEELING WELL, I FEEL THAT YOU ARE LEAVING ME? WHY WHEN I KNOW I WILL NEVER ENJOY DOING SUCH THING BUT I DO IT JUST FOR YOU. WHY EVERY SENTENCE OF ENLIGHTENMENT, I STILL REMEMBER SO CLEARLY? WHY DO I CHERISH YOU SO MUCH? I REALLY DONT KNOW. OTHERS SAY I'M AFTER YOUR MONEY, WHICH I KNOW I WONT GET A CENT EVEN ANYTHING HAPPEN. WHY I DO NOT MIND ALL THOSE HUMILIATION THAT I JUST DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU. PERHAPS, JUST BECAUSE, OUR CHEMISTRY CLICK.
can god just transfer all those hatred others have on him to me. can god just let you have a peace life from now. can god make you less stressful. jsut because you told me you have exchange 5years of your life in return for me, i felt that how evil you are, you still have that kind side. perhaps i'm just being silly. i dont mind exchanging my life span to make others like you. i dont know what more i can do for you. but no matter what, i will try my best to appreciate you. i dont know. i'm lost.
tml one more round of tuitioning. and we are having school. _l_ i hate school. sigh. but i love my cliques. haha. (: well, hope life get better from now on.
