early in the morning, i forced myself to wake up to go to school. ): moodless, totally no mood and after i suffer from the vomiting. wth. i guess it was totally unexpected, i just step out of the lift, and there it goes, raining heavily. i was praying hard that it would stop somehow, but no, it didnt. was already late, but hide in shelter to give wake up calls. til he was awake, i move on again. i guess, all this have already became part of my life. i was grumbling why god was rather unfair this few days. he gave me nothing. just those sufferings that i have to gone through. but suddenly, i realised wad mrs lim have told me. nothng is fair, the thing that is fair is that everything is not fair. reach school, slack and talk to waishan. anyway, i became totally drenched in the rain. and was rather happy that the project, waishan, yuheng as well as me was doing it seriously, got the second in class. (: just 1mark lower than the other group. and our food production, according to alvin, we got either first or second. (: clear some misunderstanding in class. just love shouting and laughing at the back. friday off to fish spa and we will be heading to seoul garden for class gathering.


i wonder what went wrong too. suddenly, everything is going downhill. i wasnt being appreciative, i wasnt being understanding. what else can i do? i vent all my anger on him. i felt sad. really sad that he felt he was doing everything for this r/s, while i'm sitting back doing nothing, taking him for granted. sometime, on the phone when he voice out all those unhappiness, i wanted to say something. but i'm tired, tired of defending myself, tired of explaining anymore. all those words on the phone hurt alot, really alot. but i told myself, perhaps it the true or maybe again, i suffered from what i have done. he felt he is losing me. i felt we drift further apart. why? what else can be done. i really dont know. i really dont know how to handle this r/s anymore. i dont wished to give it up, but what else can be done? i never felt such a heartache before. but today, after i put down my phone, my heart really ache. i keep telling myself, i'm strong. i will get through it. but no, i cant. i felt so lethargic. i can only come to one conclusion, maybe, i'm just not good enough for you.

for whatever shit it's happening right now. just wanted to let you know, happy belated 4months and all i wanted to tell you are this;

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You're the one who saw me through, through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'coz you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love I had it all

I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was, loved by you

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You've been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you.....

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me.


maybe it wont be the same anymore today. maybe tomorrow we will get better or maybe 'forever' really dont exist.
i hope i wont have to cry anymore.