`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
i dont know wad have gone wrong between us. everything seem like going in a wrong way. we quarrel as long as there is a chance, we shout on the phone every single time. i dont know why. am i being too stress or is it due to my own attitude. maybe it's my own attitude. i wonder why things cant be the same like in the past. i rmb godpa told me before, 'when you ar both closer, you tend to take another party for granted. just like whatever others have been doing for you, you think it's a must, they are supposed to do it for you. but you tend to forget, all this ppl actually put in effort to do things for you. and i guess, i'm such a person. when things happen i always feel he's SUPPOSED to help me but i forgot, he got a choice too.
sometime i wanted too have more time with him, sometime i demand for too much things, and sometime, i got angry becos i cant get what i want. i got pissed off becos my plan cant go smoothly. i think he's right, i'm being too much. he's right, i cant admit to mistakes and defeat. everything is right except my own mentality. i just need sometime alone, i dont wish to hurt him any further.
was looking back at those post when we just got together. and i realised, i haven been doing naything for him, yet he put in really alot of effort to keep this relationship going, maybe it's really hard to be with a 18year old girl who is so spoilt and stuff. but what i ever did was yes, comment on him and hurt him even more.
i still rmb the time when we were at bp park, he do magic to cheer me up.
the time when we quarrel, he brought flowers and snoopy to pacify me.
he try his best to do what he can, to make me happy.
when my card got no $ to take NR3 and i got no cash, he ask me to alight next top and he rush over to save me.
when i was drunk in ws' chalet, he stay by me and only go home and change when i fall asleep and he rush back to acc me again.
every month, he never failed to save my life regarding school fees.
when i wanted a DSlite, he buy for me.
when i wanted a mp3, he came over to imm from tampines, to get it for me.
when i got no money, i wanted 100$ he transfer 150$ instead.
so many and so many more, yet i still hurt him with those mean words that i have in mind. all i want is to make him angry.
sigh. i dont know what i want in life right now. super confused. i have not been eating a proper meal since 2 days ago. ): i'm just so tired. tired with EC, tired with as if every working days i'm putting on a battle with botak.
he's right. even he wanted those little care and concern, i didnt bother to give him. even when he told me he got promoted, i didnt even bother to say 'congrats'. i guess must be those good deed i have been accumulating when i go to cambodia that allow me to meet him. and must be those gossiping sin that make me realised, once i have him, it's so hard to let go. in conlusion, waishan call this retribution. ):
so much i wanted to say sorry to him, but i dont know how. i guess, i jsut need sometime to be alone. i detest those quarreling days and stuff. i really hate it.
EC later. rather fun! lol. (: i scolded shidee yesterday too. lol. sigh.
