`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
for the first time, i felt really guilty. i have never felt like that before. ): not even to my closest sister which we been friends for 11years, but today, i feel super lousy about it. i been wondering am i really a lousy friend. she's right. when all she need was someone to speak up, all of us just shut up and didnt dare to make a single comment about it. i felt really bad when she told me the truth. i was thinking, really thinking, does she really deserve such treatment from us. it sucks a big time when i dont know what to comment about the current situation and yet, it led to a bigger mistake. i find myself much more useless after i enter shatec. i'm just no longer who i am in the past. i kept quiet becos i dont want more troubles or like what she say, we just dont have the fcuking mind of our own. it's right, when things happen, we ask her to speak up and yet everyone thought she was just doing for herself, it's not. she did it becos she know one of us in the group are not feeling happy about such arrangement. she did so much, yet when things happen, no one back her up, we kept quiet, thinking back, i was really a bastard.
i felt super guilty towards her. she say no point staying in the same group when she need help we left her in lurch. compare to others who choose to leave us for their own benefits, she choose to stay. when someone was so loyal and think about our feeling every now and then, that's how i repay her. i kept quiet when she need help. wasnt i like those cowards last time in 4E3? when they push me to speak up for them. and yet when i turn my head, everyone turn their heads off. making me felt that i'm in this alone. and now, that's how she feel. i didnt even speak up.
tanpeiching, you are really fcuking lousy. so what you are out of troubles and somehow the matter is solved, but i dont feel good. i really dont. i feel like telling her sorry face to face, but again, i got no guts. i sms her but she didnt reply. i know how it felt to be like that. sigh. i just dont have a mind on my own can. ): arghhhhh. i know she wont read this. but i just wanted to tell her, i'm really sorry as a friend and a teammate, i didnt stand up for my own rights and for her when she need my help at tht point of time. i'm selfish. i think i am. ):
okay! congrats to little brother for getting such a good result! (at least wayyyyy better than mine!) L1R4-10 and L1R5-12. lol. i got 19 leh last time, for L1R4. LOL. (: sigh. anyway, i think he's way smarter lah. not like me. better dont be like me.
ahhhhh. how? i still feeling fucking unhappy and guilty. sigh. and then, i dont feel like saying anymore. sian. argh! sorry.
