`` To See PANDA in China.
`` South Africa Trip.
`` Back To Cambodia.
`` HOLIDAYS! (:
`` plenty of MONEY.
`` get my diploma.
`` BURBERRY bag.
`` WONDERFUL 21st B'DAE
i finally realised what is the biggest problem in our relationship. its not our temper or attitude. it's all about me, myself and i.
i realised, i never feel contented about what he been giving me in terms of presents and love. i have never tell him, how much i appreciated his love and presents or whatsoever. i never. all i ever did was when i can get my next present? and when will be the time we be going out to play and watch movie. and all this required alot alot of money. it's not on dutch, he pay for everything. i have started to realised i'm really mean. other couple took turn to pay, but no, not for me. when we reach the cinema, all i ever did was to point my finger at any show i want, then head up, look into the screen for timing, i decided the timing and then went straight to the counter. tell the person, then i got the ticket, i took the ticket and i leave. who's paying? he will be the one that always follow me closly to do the paying. same thing from buying popcorn all the way to having dinner in the restaurant or even coffeeshop. i guess, i'm really too much all this while.
he brought flowers, i complained. he buy from perlini, i also kp. he buy from taka, just becos of the tag line 'is how much you worth.' i told him never get taka stuff for me. i felt super bad right now. i'm damn angry with myself. he tried his best to give me everything he can. if i ever ask for that thing, he will get it for me no matter what. be it this month or next month, as long as he got money, he will buy for me. but then, i never ever look at how hard all this come by, instead whenever i got the presents, i was just too eager to open it and see what he get for me today, in the end, even a thankyou or a kiss is been forgotten.
i will get angry if he doesnt pick up my call. but i will get angry again if he keep calling me. what is it that i actually want in my life? i got angry when he say he wanna go swensen for lunch, becos i wanto eat other stuff. i got angry when i wanted mos burger but he say today we cant have mos burger. he tried his best to give me all he can, but yet i'm asking for more.
if from the start, he didnt pamper me like that, he just give me what i'm supposed to get and all, i think i wont become like this. i ask for more everytime he gave me. from anniversary, he buy me cookie monster balloon, i wanted to have good meal. from valentine, he buy me red rose, i wanted the blue ones, he buy me necklace, yet i wanted a coach wrislet. he never say no to anything i want, except mayb i need to wait a little longer. he never ever blame me for being so materalistic, yet he work even harder to give me what i want.
i think i dont deserve such a guy. he's too good to me. if i were to be like yp or what and get contented with every little thing he do, then i'm really different from what i am now.
seriously, i really wished to tell him i'm sorry. just now in the bus, when i'm home, i start to think. what led to our r/ship becoming like this, that i always have to get angry over nothing big actually. is just the heart. my heart never feel contented since the start. i always urge for more. more things that can make me happy.
they are right. it isnt the food we must have to determined how happy we will be. it's the person you are with.
ms tan and godpa is right, i have never grow up eversince i last step my foot out of greenridge. they thought when i have walk one round without depending on them, i should have becoming more matured. no, i'm not.
it's not gucci or LV or even burberry that will make you happier that those who dont have them. it's not the things that you get. i guess, i always look at the products instead of looking at the process.
why can couple like yp and veneta be happier than i am. because, they feel contented of what they have in life. be it in terms of monetary or presents or even love. they dont ask for more, that's why they feel happier. instead, i ask for too much, when things wasnt up to what i want, i blow my top.
i guess, not sorry can make this relationship a better one. is my mindset. even if i carry such mindset with me, if i meet a millionaire, i wont be happy neither.
moral of the story, tanpeiching, cherish what you have otherwise, when you lose them, you regret. and change away your mindset. learn to be contented with what your life have. i thought you went to cabodai and look at those ppl who doesnt have anything compare to you? yet, you are behaving like that. dont you find it contradict? you dont deserve to be in the volunteer line, godpa thought he have change you from who you used to be to who you are now, but no. becos if he really change you and you sympatized for those kids, you wont be like this now. you should be grateful and be contented with your life. change for the better, otherwise, you will never be happy.
hopefully, i can slap myself and wake myself up. stop all this. he's suffering!
i think i have never understand what is the real meaning of 'LOVE'.
to mr chow; i'm sorry. beside sorry, i dont know what else to tell you.
